Alphabet Soup
by Sillabub 429
Summary: A.C. 202. Heero accompanies Relena on a mission neither will ever forget - babysitting Relena's four year old nephew. COMPLETE!
1. Part I

Alphabet Soup

Chapter One

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of the characters in this story (except for Alex, the son of Zechs and Noin). That's simple enough, isn't it? Oh, and if there are any products that I may mention (Legos, Spaghetti-O's, etc.), I don't own them either. Really, I'm just an innocent with no money whatsoever, so sue me not!_

_Read away!_

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A.C. 202, October 3rd, 5:54 PM 

"Well, here we are."

"Hn."

"Now, you're absolutely positive you want to do this?"

"Hn."

". . . Should I take that as a 'yes'?"

". . . Hn."

"Very well, then, but you DO know you don't have to do this, right? I mean, I'm perfectly capable of handling this situation on my own. I've dealt with far more serious predicaments in the past and I've come out fine."

"I know that."

"And you still feel the need to accompany me?"

"I AM your bodyguard, you know."

"But this won't be dangerous at all!"

"I still must protect you."

"Protect me?"

"Hn."

"PROTECT me?"

"Hn."

"From my four year old nephew?"

". . . You say that like you don't think I'm needed."

"He's a little boy, Heero!"

"I know."

"And just what do you think he's going to do? What, is he gonna throw a can of Spaghetti-O's at me, fracture my skull, and give me a concussion?"

"If he's truly your brother's child . . ."

"Oh, forget about it, Heero. I suppose I'll ring their doorbell now."

"Hn."

"Oh, and please DO remember to behave yourself. I can try to accept the fact that you and Milliardo continue to see each other as enemies, but that's no excuse to be lunging at each other's throats or pulling guns on one another, especially when little Alex is around. We don't want him getting any ideas. Just because YOU could accurately shoot a gun at age four doesn't mean every small child should."

"You're saying that like it's a bad thing."

"Heero . . ."

"It could always be an opportunity to teach him self-defense at a young age . . ."

"Heero!"

"Well, it _could_."

"Would you PLEASE stop thinking like a Gundam pilot?"

"Uh . . . is that a trick question?"

"I suppose that's too much to ask, isn't it."

"Can't help it, Relena. Habit."

"I swear, Heero, you'd think after all these years . . ."

"We're stalling. It's almost 6:00."

"Right, okay. But before I ring their doorbell, may I ask you something?"

"Hn."

"Are you absolutely POSITIVE you want to do this?

"Just ring the doorbell, Relena."

ooooo

"Okay, where is she?"

"Patience, dear. She'll be here."

"But it's almost six! Relena's always at least fifteen minutes early for everything."

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, Zechs. Perhaps she just got a late start."

"Maybe."

"Stop looking at your watch! You've been doing that every two minutes for the past half-hour. You're driving me crazy!"

"But Lucrezia . . ."

"She'll be here! Don't worry so much, you'll get wrinkles."

"I'm not worried."

"Sure, you're not."

"Really, I'm not . . ."

"Stop looking at your watch!"

"Sorry."

"Zechs, honey, you seem a little tense."

"Tense? Not me."

"Oh, of course not. Here, let me get your tie."

"Thanks. Luc, are you absolutely positive you want to do this?"

"What do you mean? Of course I am. This is our five-year anniversary."

"I know."

"Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"I just hope Relena knows what she's doing, looking after our little terror."

"Relena adores Alex."

"Yeah, but she's never actually watched after him for more than fifteen minutes at one time . . ."

"You're making him sound like a bad child!"

"Well, I only meant to say that he behaves well for US . . . but . . ."

"If you're always gonna be this worried, do you just wanna stay home every night until Alex is sixteen?"

"Of course not! If we did that, how would I have any fun?"

"I'm sure you'd manage, dear. Oh, there's Relena. She just pulled in."

"Geez. It took her long enough."

"Oh, yeah, right, Zechs. She's six whole minutes early. Boy, is she slacking."

"Don't be so sarcastic."

"What can I say? You're rubbing off on me. Uh-oh . . ."

"What's wrong? What's 'uh-oh' supposed to mean?"

"You're not gonna like this, dear . . ."

"What? Did Relena dye her hair black and get multiple face piercings since the last time we've seen her?"

"Um . . . no . . ."

"Then it can't be that bad."

"Right. In your eyes, this will probably seem worse."

"I doubt it."

"If you say so."

"Well, what's so bad?"

". . . Heero's with her."

"WHAT!"

"Told you so."

"Yuy is with her!"

"Yup."

"Uh-uh, no way. There's NO way I'm gonna let that maniac near my son!"

"Zechs, sweetie, maybe you're overreacting."

"What?"

"Well, I'm sure Heero will help Relena out. Perhaps he's good with kids."

". . . Seriously?"

"Well, he might be!"

"Nice thought, but I don't see him being good with anything that doesn't have to do with guns or big explosions."

"Zechs . . ."

"What?"

"It isn't just that, is it?"

"What?"

"It's the fact that she's with him that bothers you, right?"

"AGAIN, you mean."

"Zechs, I hate to say it, but you're probably gonna have to get used to them being together. Can't you see how happy Relena is when she's with him?"

". . . I guess . . ."

"And you do want Relena to be happy, right?"

"Sure, but . . . well, I . . . I still don't trust that guy around my little sister."

"You're cute when you're overprotective."

"Yeah, real cute . . . I'm not as protective as HE is, though! You've seen how obsessive he is about guarding her. It's ridiculous!"

"And that's why you don't trust him? Because he's protective?"

"No."

"Zechs, aren't you happy that your sister is involved with a man who cares for her enough to protect her?"

"I don't know, Noin. I guess I'm . . ."

". . . Afraid he loves her too?"

"What!"

"Don't look so appalled, dear, I know what you're thinking."

"Oh?"

"Yes, and I think you'll have to get over that fear of yours. If the way that they look at each other when they think no one's looking is any indication, I'd say that in a few years, we may be repaying them the favor of babysitting."

". . . Please don't say that."

"Zechs . . . ? You look a little pale."

". . . I feel a little sick."

"Oh, there's the doorbell! C'mon, let's go!"

"Okay, okay. Are you absolutely POSITIVE you want to do this?"

"Just get the door, Zechs."

ooooo

Clenching his teeth together and taking a deep breath to remain calm, Zechs Merquise glanced uneasily at his wife before making his way over to the front door. The tall man gripped the doorknob and turned it, allowing the door to open a little. No sooner had the door been cracked open that the blonde on the other side of it decided to poke her head inside.

"Knock, knock," Relena said. Zechs smiled at his younger sister as she grinned and stepped inside, throwing her arms around his neck and giving him a big hug.

"You look well, Relena," he greeted her, smiling.

Bright blue eyes peered up at him as she stepped back a bit, studying him seriously for a moment before smiling happily again. "You, too," Relena replied, laughing a little. "It's good to see you again, Milliardo."

He smirked at her, and the petite blonde smiled up at him for a moment before shifting and looking towards the young woman standing behind Zechs. Her eyes lit up.

"Lucrezia!" Relena exclaimed, moving in to embrace her sister in-law.

Zechs watched with a growing smile as his sister and wife exchanged friendly hugs, but that smile suddenly hardened on his face at the sight of the young man who was carefully watching him from the doorway. Turning fully to face him, Zechs stared at the younger pilot, who glared in his direction. They stood there, watching each other carefully, and instead of the friendly hugs or handshakes that old friends would give each other, the angry scowls of old enemies were exchanged.

Remembering Relena's warning to him moments before, Heero attempted to be somewhat civil and sent a curt nod in the taller man's direction, pressing his lips into a thin, tight line to cover up the snarl that threatened to surface the moment he gave it the chance.

"Zechs," he growled carefully.

Icy blue eyes narrowed. "Yuy."

They didn't say anything more; they only glared angrily at each other for another long moment as Noin and Relena began chatting away, easily making up for the silence of their companions.

Relena grinned at her sister in-law. "You look great."

"You, too, Relena." Noin looked over at the glaring Heero and smiled. "Hello, Heero."

Heero glanced at her and nodded. "Noin."

Relena's eyes quickly scanned the room, then she turned, blinking up at Noin. "Where's Alex?"

"Hmm? Oh, he's just in the other room," replied the taller woman, then she turned and called, "Alex! Aunt Relena's here!"

A moment later, a small blond boy scampered into the room, a toy car gripped tightly in his chubby hand. Dark eyes brightened happily.

"Aunt Relena!" he squealed, dropping the car and running to throw his arms around her legs. "Aunt Relena!"

Relena beamed at him, slender arms dropping down to scoop the small boy up and squeeze him. "Alex!" she greeted him happily, pressing a heavy kiss on his cheek. The child squealed again, wrapping his arms around Relena's neck and laughing.

Noin smiled at them as Zechs put an arm around her waist and chuckled. "Maybe you're right," he said quietly, smiling as Relena swung the little boy into the air. "Maybe they'll be okay."

Noin grinned at him. "Of course, they will," she replied simply. "I'm always right."

Zechs smirked. "Oh, sure," he said, rolling his eyes. "I forgot."

Laughing, she swatted at him. "Shut up," she grinned. "Are you ready to go?"

But her husband didn't reply; he was strangely studying the young man standing by the door. Frowning suddenly, Noin followed his gaze.

Heero was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, watching Relena chase Alex around the room. But something was unusual about the way he looked. It took Noin a full two seconds to realize why.

He was smiling.

Heero Yuy was smiling.

It was a small, affectionate smile, too, not a scary I'm-going-to-make-stuff-explode-and-then-laugh-loudly-and-blow-myself-up kind of smile. Actually, looking at Heero with that little grin on his face, he looked almost . . . well . . . like a normal human capable of normal thought and normal behavior and normal feelings.

Noin smiled and placed her hand in the crook of Zechs's arm, causing the tall man to look down at her. "See?" she asked quietly, squeezing his arm and gesturing towards the smiling Heero. "They'll be fine."

He didn't reply immediately, but Noin noted in satisfaction that her husband's shoulders relaxed slightly, and he quietly let out the breath he had been holding.

"Yeah . . ." he finally answered after a moment. "I guess they will." Raising an eyebrow and smirking, he looked down at his smiling wife. "You ARE always right."

She tossed her head, daringly looking up at him through mischievous violet eyes. "It's about time you noticed," she replied, tugging his arm and pulling him towards the door. "Now, c'mon, let's go."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, alright." Zechs turned towards the giggling Relena and squealing Alex, smiling. "We're leaving now, Relena."

Relena released her nephew from her grip, standing up and brushing a few stray golden hairs from her flushed face. "Okay, then," she replied, smiling in amusement as Alex ran back and forth from parent to parent, giving them hugs. "You two have a good time."

Noin kissed her son's chubby cheek, leaving a little smudge of lipstick on his face. "Bye, sweetie," she smiled. "Be good for Aunt Relena."

"I will!" the little boy chirped, giving her another quick hug before running to his father and wrapping chubby arms around him. "Bye, Daddy!"

Zechs grinned at him, ruffling the soft blond hair on his child's head. "Bye, squirt. Don't give them a hard time."

"I won't!" Alex replied, the smile of a cherub on his face as he ran back into the waiting arms of Relena.

The couple gave them a small farewell before making their way out the door. As Zechs passed Heero, he looked at the smaller man dangerously and narrowed his eyes, sliding his finger across his own throat in a swift cutting motion. Heero's eyes widened very slightly at the warning.

Oblivious to this exchange, Relena had a hold of Alex's chubby wrist and was waving his hand at the departing couple. "Bye-bye!" she called. "See you later!"

And they were gone.

Grinning happily, Relena grabbed Alex around the stomach and carried him over to where Heero was standing.

"Alex," Heero could hear her whispering in the boy's ear. "I'm gonna introduce you to my special friend, okay?"

"'Kay!" Alex grinned at her.

"Do you think you can be nice to him for me?"

The little boy nodded enthusiastically, his smile growing.

Relena squeezed him affectionately. "That's my boy."

Heero smirked as Relena carried the child over to him and set him on the floor in front of him. Heero crouched down so that he was at eye level with Relena's nephew, then, after attempting to smile at the little boy in a somewhat friendly manner, he looked questioningly up at Relena. The blonde grinned at him and nodded encouragingly, putting her hands on Alex's shoulders.

"Alex," she said sweetly, sending a wink in Heero's direction. "This is Uncle Heero."

Heero's eyebrows arched upwards slightly at the title, and he gave Relena a strange look, but she only smiled at him and made a small gesture towards her nephew. Heero frowned, then cleared his throat awkwardly and looked back at the down little boy, who was studying the brown-haired man with interest.

"Hello, Alex," Heero said evenly. "I'm Heero. It's nice to meet you."

Blond eyebrows furrowed as the little boy studied the man in front of him. "Heero?" he asked, repeating the name carefully. "Heero . . . Yuy?"

Heero found himself blinking. "Uh . . . yeah."

A huge grin broke across the child's face, and he stepped up to Heero and shook his hand vigorously. "Nice to meet you, Heero," he said happily. "I know who you are. My daddy told me about you."

Dark eyebrows arched in mild surprise. "He did?"

"Yep."

Quite certain that anything Zechs had to say about him would not be pleasant since they both shared the mutual urge to beat the crap out of each other, Heero looked hesitantly up at Relena. The blonde only grinned at him in amusement as Heero turned back to Alex, frowning slightly.

"Well, what did he say?" he asked, an eyebrow raising in slight suspicion.

Puffing out his chest and frowning in an expression that perfectly mirrored Zechs' usual expression of annoyance, the little boy looked at Heero and put his hands on his hips. "'Stay away from Heero Yuy, Alex,'" he quoted in a deep voice that made Relena laugh. "'He's a dirty, heartless bastard who eats little boys.'"

Relena's laughter disappeared and a hand flew up to her mouth in shock. "Alex!" she exclaimed, horrified that her brother would use such profanity around his son.

Heero, however, wasn't surprised.

He grinned down at the little boy, the amusement in his smile causing Relena to frown at him. Having never really seen Heero _grin_ before and therefore not really having a clue what to expect next, she watched him carefully as her bodyguard knelt down in front of her nephew and looked directly into the small child's face.

"Do you really think I eat little boys, Alex?" Heero asked seriously.

The child paused, as if deep in thought, then he grinned up at the man. "No," he replied enthusiastically, throwing chubby arms around Heero's neck. "I think you're nice."

Relena's uneasiness melted away at that gesture, a smile appearing on her lips as a terrified Heero looked up at her in question. Relena merely grinned at him as Alex pulled away from the little hug.

"See?" chirped Alex. "You didn't eat me!"

Heero relaxed slightly and chuckled, rubbing the top of the little boy's head. "Well, you just tell your daddy he was wrong, okay?" he asked, smirking. "And tell him Heero Yuy said Zechs Merquise is an arrogant, prissy, egotistical son of a . . ."

"HEERO!"

**

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Review, review, review! **


	2. Part II

Alphabet Soup

Chapter Two

_Thanks so much for the reviews, guys! Hope you like the second chapter!_

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"Zechs?" 

No answer.

"Zechs . . . ?"

After receiving no reply again, Noin peered quizzically at her husband over the top of her menu and crinkled her nose up at the sight of Zechs' blank expression. She sighed and lowered her menu, studying the blond man through eyes that were gleaming with curiosity and just a bit of annoyance.

"Zechs . . ."

He blinked, but other than that, Zechs remained motionless, his clear blue eyes peering at the menu in front of him but not really focusing on the words printed on it. Noin sighed again, louder this time, and she shifted in her chair, rolling her eyes a bit as she leaned forward over the table to stare her husband in the face.

"Zeeeechs . . ."

He wrinkled his nose, shifted a bit, and continued staring ahead blankly. Noin, her curiosity now completely gone, suppressed the urge to kick him.

"Come on, Zechs," she growled softly, biting her teeth together. "The Lighting Count would never display such a lack of focus in battle, would he?"

But the Lightning Count was not currently in battle and didn't respond.

Noin scowled, ripped Zechs' menu out of his hands, and whacked him over the head with it.

"Zechs!"

Clear blue eyes widened as Zechs tensed abruptly. "Luc? What is it? Has Yuy killed my son?"

Noin regarded him with a flat expression and pointed wordlessly at the annoyed waiter who was waiting to take Zechs' order. Zechs looked relieved.

"Oh," he sighed, relaxing visibly. "Water, please."

The waiter frowned as Noin raised an eyebrow.

"Um . . . honey . . ." Noin whispered, reaching across the table and taking Zechs' arm. "We ordered our drinks five minutes ago."

Zechs blinked at her, then turned to the waiter, then looked back at Noin. "We . . . did . . . ?" he asked slowly. "What did I order?"

Noin and the waiter exchanged glances as Zechs began staring bewilderedly at the menu in front of him.

"He'll just have what I'm having," she said sweetly.

The waiter wrinkled his nose in annoyance as he quickly jotted down the order, snatched the menus from the table, and walked away, grumbling.

Zechs watched the man for a moment. "How rude."

Noin frowned at him. "Well, he had been waiting a long time for your order."

The tall man blinked. "Really? What for?"

Noin opened her mouth to reply, then shook her head and sighed. "Never mind, dear."

It was going to be a long night.

ooooo

"Finished!" Alex cried happily.

Heero and Relena turned from the pile of Legos on the floor to look at the beaming youngster.

"Let's see it," Relena smiled, setting down the small house she built.

Alex grinned and proudly held up two oddly-shaped . . . things. Relena stared at them, looking slightly puzzled as she tried to figure out what they were. "Um . . . wow, Alex . . ." she said after a moment. "Those are . . . really, um . . . nice."

Alex blinked at his aunt, then his pride seemed to leave him, and he looked doubtfully at his creations, deflating visibly.

"Don't you recognize them?" he asked, his lower lip sticking out slightly.

"Er . . . of course!" Relena said hurriedly. "They're, uh . . ."

"Colonies."

Relena turned and blinked at Heero as Alex grinned widely, obviously pleased.

"That's right, Uncle Heero!" he cried happily.

Heero set down the miniature Wing Zero he had been building from Legos and looked at the little boy's model of the colonies.

"This one's . . . A0206, right?" he asked, looking rather impressed.

"Yep." Alex beamed proudly up at the man.

"And . . ." Heero examined another one, raising an eyebrow. He stopped, his gaze turning incredulous as he looked back at the little boy. "X18999?"

"Yep! You're good, Uncle Heero!"

Relena stared at the model of X18999 for a moment, then snorted softly at the memory of that particular colony as Heero smiled slightly and handed the two Lego colonies back to Alex.

"Those are quite impressive," he remarked with a smirk. "I see your father is educating you well."

"Mm-hmm," grinned the boy.

Relena smiled and affectionately patted the top of her nephew's pale blond head. "Those were very nice, Alex," she said sweetly. "You're quite the little architect."

"Thanks," he chirped. Then, grinning widely, he said, "Wanna see what they can do?"

The two adults blinked at him. "Huh?"

"Lookey," Alex said, picking up the model of X18999.

Heero and Relena watched closely as the little boy began to fiddle with a small, building-block constructed mechanism in the side of the colony, then he set it down and stepped away from it. Heero and Relena watched the small colony, then they looked at Alex, who was staring at the model of X18999 with wide, anticipating eyes.

"3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . ." he counted down softly.

Suddenly X18999 exploded, sending small pieces of Legos flying through the air at blinding speeds. Relena let out a shrill scream as Heero threw an arm around her waist and pulled her to the floor, shielding her from the flying pieces. Alex, however, began to hop about, clapping and laughing happily.

"See?" he cried jubilantly. "It self-detonated!"

Relena opened her mouth in shock, staring with wide eyes at her nephew as she pulled herself up into a sitting position. "Alex!" she exclaimed in a voice that was an octave above her usual one. "Colonies are NOT to be blown up! And how on EARTH did you accomplish that with Legos? Just WHAT has Milliardo been . . . uh . . ."

She stopped, staring with huge eyes at Heero, who was doubled over in laughter.

"Heero?" she asked fearfully.

The slender man's shoulders were shaking with his convulsive laughter, and his dark blue eyes were shut tightly as he rolled around on the floor, clutching his stomach. Relena was horrified, having never seen Heero laugh so hard before, and she timidly leaned forward to look at his reddening face.

"Heero?" she breathed, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth.

"That . . ." choked Heero, ". . . that was . . . priceless . . ."

Relena chuckled nervously as Heero continued laughing. Alex was staring at Heero with wide eyes, then he gazed at Relena, looking puzzled.

"What's wrong with Uncle Heero?" he asked, his tiny brow furrowed. "Didn't he like my colony?"

A forced grin curved Relena's lips as Heero's laughter began to subside. "Something tells me he liked it a little TOO much, Alex," she replied.

"Oh," the child said softly, turning back to Heero and watching the adult recover from his unusual giggle-fit. The phone rang suddenly, and Relena stood to her feet.

"I'll get that," she said, smiling at her nephew. "It's probably your mommy."

"'Kay," replied Alex absently, staring with wide, curious eyes at the still-chuckling Heero. Relena glanced at Heero, shook her head, and walked towards the ringing telephone.

"Just when I think I've got you figured out, Heero Yuy," she muttered, "you go and surprise me." Relena shook her head, bemused, and reached for the phone.

"Hello?"

The pretty blond diplomat suddenly grinned. "Lucrezia! Are you and Milliardo having a good time? . . . Good . . . How nice . . . What? Milliardo did what?"

Relena's eyes widened. "He chased down an ambulance? Why on Earth – Well, why did he think it was coming HERE? . . . Oh, of course. Do me a favor and tell my brother that Heero isn't about to kill Alex or I, so he can just relax . . . Oh, you've told him that already, have you? Well, I don't know what else to tell you . . . No, no, I'm sure it'll be fine.

"Hmm?" Relena shifted the phone on her ear and looked back to the living room where Alex and Heero were. "Yes, everything is going well here. We've been playing with Legos . . . Yes, Heero too . . . Oh, Lucrezia, stop laughing!

". . . So you'll be home in about two or three hours? That's fine, take your time, have fun, relax! . . . Well, I don't know if Milliardo will or not, but what can you do? Oh, it'll be okay, just go to the movies and have fun . . . Alright . . . Hard boiled eggs in the refrigerator for sandwiches? . . . Sounds good . . . Yes. . . . Have a good time, then. Okay. Goodbye."

Relena hung up the phone, shook her head, then walked back into the living room, grinning at Alex and Heero.

"So, who's hungry?"

**

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Review. C'mon. Everyone's doing it. You know you wanna. Hee-hee. Peer pressure. **


	3. Part III

Alphabet Soup

Chapter Three

Sorry this chapter took so long getting out! Thanks for getting this far, everybody, and thanks for the reviews! As always, GW is not mine! Oh, and there are a few potshots in these later chapters taken at Duo (even though he doesn't appear in this story), but it's all out of genuine affection on my part. Gotta love the mighty braided one! Enjoy!

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Relena hummed cheerfully to herself as she strolled into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Her good mood was improving by the minute as she and Heero continued to look after her nephew, and she felt a sense of elation and contentment at taking care of a small child with Heero. Perhaps it was just her maternal instincts kicking in, but it felt . . . _natural_ somehow. And she was enjoying every moment of this babysitting . . . adventure. Judging from Heero's attitude (and his earlier giggle fit), she could only assume he was enjoying it too. 

Her eyes poured over the contents of the refrigerator for a moment, then she brightened as she spotted the bowl of eggs sitting on one of the shelves. Grinning, she grabbed the bowl, spun around, placed the bowl on the table, and closed the refrigerator with her foot.

Heero was watching her, his expression conveying mild amusement as she sauntered around the kitchen, humming. Alex was also staring at his aunt as she got out the ingredients for the sandwiches and plopped them on the table, but his expression was curious and slightly hopeful as he looked at the bowlful of eggs.

"You seem happy," Heero murmured, moving to stand beside Relena.

"Well, I am," she said, grinning at him. "I'm having fun. Aren't you?"

A thick eyebrow rose. ". . . Fun? I don't know about that." Heero paused and shrugged. "Well, I _am_ enjoying this more than I had anticipated."

She laughed, eyes sparkling. "Admit it. You're having fun."

Dark blue eyed regarded her flatly. "I think 'fun' is stretching it."

Relena was going to pursue the conversation further when she felt something tugging on her skirt, and she looked down to see Alex staring up at her with his big violet eyes.

"Can I crack an egg, Aunt Relena?"

She smiled. "Sure, Alex." She took an egg from the bowl sitting in front of her and handed it to him. Alex thanked her, but when the egg was in his grasp he looked uncertainly down at it.

"Do you want to crack it on the table, or on the edge of the bowl?" asked Relena sweetly.

Alex shook his head.

Relena looked puzzled. "Well, where do you want to crack it?"

The child actually looked somewhat embarrassed. "Can I . . ." he began hesitantly, ". . . can I crack it on my head?"

Relena's eyes widened, and she heard a sound come from Heero that sounded as if the ex-Gundam pilot was either dying or had unsuccessfully tried to disguise a chuckle with a cough was now choking. She opted for the latter, seeing as how Heero never seemed to be able to die (not that she was complaining), and she began thumping the coughing man on the back.

After Heero recovered, Relena turned back to Alex with a confused look. "Alex, sweetie, why on Earth do you want to crack an egg on your head?"

Alex bit his lip. "Well, last time I saw Uncle Duo, he had hard-boiled eggs and he cracked an egg on his head," replied her nephew, his cheeks a bit rosy. "It looked like fun."

"Alex, a word from the wise," Heero said flatly, "everything Duo does is _stupid_, even if it looks like fun."

"Heero!" scolded Relena. "Be nice."

He shrugged as Alex frowned.

"Yeah, that's what Daddy says," he said quietly.

Heero smirked. He and Zechs had finally agreed on something.

Alex looked at Relena, his tiny brow furrowed. "I wanted to crack an egg too, but Mommy wouldn't let me," he said softly.

"Why not?"

"Mommy won't let me do what Uncle Duo does," Alex said, scuffling his feet idly as he looked back up at his aunt. "She says he's a bad influenza."

Relena bit her lip to keep from laughing. "You mean _influence_, sweetheart."

"Same thing," Heero said with a smirk.

Alex wasn't put off at all by his mistake; he peered up at the two adults hopefully. "Can we try, please?"

"Why would you want to do something that Duo did?" Heero asked incredulously.

"He's fun," replied Alex truthfully. "And he makes me laugh."

Heero snorted, but Relena couldn't think of any child who wouldn't love to be around someone like Duo.

"Well, sweetheart," she said seriously, "if you really want to crack an egg on your head, you're welcome to do it. Although I'm not quiet sure why your heart would be so set on it . . ."

"Can I? Really?" asked Alex hopefully.

Although Relena could not for the life of her understand why cracking an egg on his own head would bring the child so much joy, she certainly could see no harm in it.

"Sure," she replied.

Alex grinned. "Thanks, Aunt Relena!"

Heero and Relena watched as the small blond child looked down at the egg for a moment, then grabbed it in one hand and lifted it above his head. For a moment, he looked as if he was going to crack it, then he faltered. Alex's expression clouded over, and he lowered the arm holding the egg, sighing.

"What is it, Alex?" asked Relena, concerned. "Aren't you going to crack your egg?"

Alex looked uncertain. "I wanna. But . . ." (and he turned those adorable eyes up to look at her), "it might hurt!"

Relena found herself smiling. "Would you feel better if Uncle Heero cracked an egg on his head first?"

Alex paused, considering this, then his chubby face lit up. He nodded, smiling widely. Relena cast an innocent grin in Heero's direction.

"Well, Uncle Heero, did you hear that?" she asked sweetly. "Little Alex wants you to crack an egg on your head first."

Heero's lips were pressed into a thin line. "What if I don't want to?"

A warning flared through Relena's clear blue eyes. "Heero," she said slowly, "Alex wishes for you to_ crack an egg on your head first_." And she fired him her I-used-to-be-Queen-of-the-World-so-you-have-to-obey-me look.

Heero found himself shrinking back. He wasn't afraid of Wufei's katana or Zechs' height or Duo's insanity, but when the Vice Foreign Minister of the ESUN looked at him like that, he couldn't help but feel a little . . . frightened. He sighed reluctantly and grabbed a hard-boiled egg from the bowl.

_God,_ Heero thought grouchily_. Can't we just crack the eggs on the table or something like normal people?_ But Alex was watching him closely, his big eyes wide with anticipation, and Relena was trying to hide an amused grin behind her hand and failing miserably.

_C'mon, Yuy, you can do this. You've been shot, you've set your own broken leg without anesthetic . . . hell, you've even blown yourself up before and survived. Cracking an egg on your head's a piece of cake._

Slowly, he raised his arm and held the egg aloft for a moment, looking dubiously up at the small food item suspended in the air. Then, letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes and brought the egg down upon the top of his head.

Crack!

The shell broke harmlessly, and Heero lowered the egg, pausing for a moment before shrugging nonchalantly and peeling the shell away from the egg white. Alex stared at him anxiously.

"Didn't hurt, did it?"

"Nope."

Relena smiled at her nephew. "Are you ready to crack your egg, sweetie?"

"No."

She looked surprised. "No? Why not?"

Alex paused, looking uncertainly down at the egg nestled in his little hands. "Um . . . d'you think you could crack yours too, Aunt Relena?" he asked softly, not looking at her.

The blonde's eyes widened. "Why, sure, but you just saw He – er, Uncle Heero crack his egg, didn't you? It's just a little egg, sweetheart, it won't hurt you."

Alex looked up at her, doubt in his eyes. The child glanced cautiously at Heero and looked back at Relena, motioning for her to stoop down so he could tell her something he obviously didn't want Heero to hear.

Relena knelt down beside her nephew. "What is it, Alex?"

"Daddy says . . ." Alex began in a very loud whisper only a child would use when trying to be secretive, ". . . Daddy says that nothing can hurt Uncle Heero 'cause he's got a really hard head!"

Relena had to struggle to keep from laughing (and she heard an unmistakable snort of amusement come from Heero's direction), but she managed to remain quite serious as she placed a slim hand atop Alex's head and looked seriously at him.

"Well, Alex, I have to agree with your father on that one."

"Hey . . ." started Heero.

Relena ignored him. "But if it will make you feel better, I'll crack my egg too, okay?"

Relieved, Alex sent a dimpled grin in her direction and nodded enthusiastically, and Relena chuckled, grabbing an egg that was sitting on the table beside the bowl of eggs.

"Okay, here we go," said Relena, winking at Alex as she brought the egg above her head.

Crack!

Relena immediately realized something was different about this egg. It wasn't until she felt an odd, slimy substance running down her hair and saw the identical looks of surprise on Alex and Heero's faces that she realized what exactly was different about it.

The egg was raw.

There she was, standing in the middle of her brother's kitchen with her nephew and the man she loved, egg yolk running down her face and dripping from her hair.

No one spoke.

Heero and Alex were both watching her with wide eyes, waiting for some sort of response from the slender woman, but Relena could not speak. She did not know whether to cry or act as though nothing had happened. So, naturally, she settled for neither and instead burst out laughing.

". . . Relena?" Heero questioned cautiously.

Giggling hysterically, Relena managed to pick the big pieces of egg shell out of her hair. "Well," she said cheerfully, "I always heard raw egg was good for your hair."

Alex and Heero exchanged glances, neither of them speaking. Heero noticed that Alex had put his egg back on the table, obviously having no desire to crack his egg anymore.

Relena sighed, smiling. "I suppose I'll have to take a quick shower to wash this egg out," she said, still chuckling. "Lucrezia probably put a raw egg in with the cooked ones on accident, but just in case, you'd better not crack any more on your heads." She stopped and giggled, then looked at her companions."You think you two will be able to hold down the fort?"

Alex nodded eagerly.

Heero looked uncertain.

"Good," replied Relena, and she turned to wink at Alex. "You think you'll be able to keep Uncle Heero in line for a few minutes while I shower?"

"Yep!" replied Alex.

Heero, however, was going slightly pale. His wide eyes were focused on Relena, and there was a definite hint of something akin to fear in them. He was obviously unsure about being left alone with this child and a bit afraid of being responsible for him, even if it was for a few minutes while Relena washed the egg out of her hair.

Smiling gently, Relena took him by the arm and got on tiptoe to whisper in his ear.

"You'll be fine," she said softly. "He's only child, and I'll only take a few minutes." Then, grinning, she pulled away. "You've dealt with far more serious foes in the past."

Heero scowled at her as he suddenly had the idea that she was teasing him. "Okay, okay, I can handle this." He took her by the shoulders and ushered her in the direction of the door. "Go and get that egg out of your hair."

Relena flashed him a disarming smile as she strode to the door, and Heero sighed heavily and moved to the bowl of eggs, preparing to peel them. Relena was out the door when she heard the beginnings of a conversation, and out of curiosity, she paused at the doorframe so she could overhear.

"Hey, Uncle Heero?"

"Yeah?"

"Are _you _gonna fix the sandwiches?"

"Yes, I am, Alex."

"You can cook?"

"Um . . . this isn't really cooking, per se, but yes, I can cook."

"But you're not a girl!"

"Thank you. I shall take note of that."

"So . . . boys can cook too?"

"Last time I checked."

"Hey, Uncle Heero?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I help?"

". . . Sure."

Holding back a chuckle, Relena continued down the hall to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

**

* * *

I know, I know, this wasn't the most eventful or humorous chapter . . . but it'll get better, I promise! So please review, and I'll have the next chapter up soon!**


	4. Part IV

Alphabet Soup

Chapter Four

_I don't know if this is supposed to happen when you're writing, but when I was writing this chapter, I laughed out loud once and even got a few warm, fuzzy feelings. Thank you all very much for the kind reviews! To those who reviewed and asked that I keep this story going, don't worry, guys! I'm not one to stop a story like this, and besides, I think I'm only gonna have three or four more chapters after this one! No worries! Oh, and zephryn73509, concerning your question . . . um, I actually have no idea _how_ Alex made a colony built entirely from Legos blow up. I guess I wasn't really thinking about how that would work when I was writing it. By all means, it doesn't really make sense, does it? Mind boggling indeed! Oh, well, maybe in the future all children have Exploding Legos! Hee, hee, hee! Good question, though!_

_Anyways, read away, everyone!_

* * *

Alex sat at the table and watched Heero with interest, his little legs dangling far above the floor. After a few minutes of trying to peel the same hard-boiled egg, the child had grown bored of helping "Uncle Heero" and decided to pursue a more interesting activity . . . staring at Heero like there was no tomorrow. The ex-Gundam pilot could sense the child's intent gaze, but he ignored it and continued peeling and slicing the hard-boiled eggs. A few minutes of uneasy silence passed, and Heero began to wish that Alex would say something instead of staring at him with that calculating, absorbed gaze that made the child look so much like Zechs. 

"Uncle Heero?"

Heero let out his breath. Finally! He paused in peeling an egg to look over his shoulder at the little boy. "What is it?"

Alex's tiny brow was furrowed in concentration, and he stared hard at the bowl of eggs sitting in front of Heero on the counter. "Are we gonna eat those?"

Heero nodded and turned back to his peeling. "Yep."

"Oh," said Alex, nodding. "Okay."

Rolling his eyes, Heero scowled and chipped off a particularly stubborn piece of shell.

"Hey, Uncle Heero?"

Gritting his teeth, Heero sighed heavily and turned around to stare at Alex. "What?"

Alex cocked his head to the side, pale blond bangs falling into his eyes as he looked hard at the slender man. "Where did those eggs come from?"

Heero paused in peeling the egg. "Um . . . the supermarket." Unless the Merquise family had recently taken up chicken farming.

"Oh." The child looked seriously up at him and raised an eyebrow. "'Cause Uncle Duo told me somethin' different."

_Huh, boy. Here we go. _Heero turned to look at Alex, one eyebrow raised. "Oh, really?" he asked cautiously. "What did he tell you?"

Deadpan, Alex replied, "Uncle Duo told me that eggs come from a chicken's ass."

Heero's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open as he stared, flabbergasted. "Huh?"

Not noticing the adult's reaction to his statement, Alex folded his hands in front of him seriously as he kicked his legs back and forth under the table. "Is that true, Uncle Heero?"

Heero cleared his throat awkwardly. "Er . . . well . . ."

Alex was watching him closely, awaiting a response.

Heero reached up to tug on a lock of unruly hair, frowning at the child as he tried to think of a way to reply. "Um . . . yeah," he mumbled after a minute. "I guess they do."

Alex looked impressed with this information, but after a moment, he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Then why do we eat them?" he asked curiously.

For the second time in the past minute, Heero was at a loss for words. He stared at Alex as the little boy stared back, neither speaking for a long, silent moment. Then, wordlessly, Heero grabbed the eggs, put them in the refrigerator, and began rummaging around the kitchen. Seconds later, he produced two large cans from the pantry and placed them on the counter where the eggs had been, then turned to look seriously at the child.

"Do you like alphabet soup?"

Alex nodded eagerly, and Heero smirked. "Okay."

As Alex looked on, he opened the cans of soup and poured the contents into a small pot that was sitting on the stove.

"Hey, Uncle Heero?"

"Yeah?"

"Why does Daddy not like you?"

Heero stopped what he was doing, his eyebrows raising. He thought hard about the question for a moment, but each time he thought of a reply, it didn't seem . . . suitable.

_Because I defeated him in battle and he's a sore loser._

No.

_Because he's my arch-nemesis and we hate each other's guts._

Not likely.

_Because Zechs Merquise is an arrogant, prissy, egotistical son of a . . ._

Relena would kill him.

Finally he shrugged and said, "Well, I guess it's because of your aunt."

Alex looked confused. "Aunt Relena?" he asked. "But why?"

Heero's brow furrowed as he stirred the heating soup. "Well . . . I guess . . . I guess your dad wants to protect her," he replied after a moment, looking over his shoulder at the child. Upon seeing Alex's confused expression, Heero sighed and turned to face him, crossing his arms as he leaned against the counter. "You see, Alex, when you care about someone very much, you want to make sure they're safe and no one hurts them. That's all your dad's doing."

The confused look on the boy's face suddenly became tinged with annoyance. "But you wouldn't hurt Aunt Relena," Alex said, scowling a little. "You're nice."

Try as he might, Heero couldn't suppress the tiny smile that came with the boy's words. "I would never hurt Relena," he agreed. "But your dad doesn't know that." Heero turned back to the soup to stir it again. "Since Relena is his little sister, he's very protective of her. He wants to make sure she's always safe and happy. Does that make sense?"

"I guess so," said Alex doubtfully. Heero turned to him again, his expression patient.

"I think you'll understand if you ever have a little brother or sister," he said, mentally hoping any other Merquise offspring will take after their mother and not their father. "Your dad only wants what's best for your Aunt Relena, that's all. Do you understand?"

Alex nodded, smiling, and Heero turned back to the heating soup. But he only had a few seconds to stir the soup because as soon as he turned his back, Alex said, "Hey, Uncle Heero?"

Heero suppressed a sigh and looked back at the child. "Yeah?"

Alex's expression was serious as he said, "You like Aunt Relena, don't you?"

Heero stopped. What _was _it with this kid and these questions? Was he really this nosy and talkative (_note to self: strongly advise Noin not to let Alex spend prolonged amounts of time in the company of one Duo Maxwell_), or had his father put him up to this bizarre interrogation? Both cautious and curious, Heero turned his body completely so he could look at Alex. He studied the child's face for a moment, and, after finding no evidence of motives other than simple curiosity, he cleared his throat.

"Yes, Alex," he replied, his voice suddenly much quieter. "I like your Aunt Relena very much."

Alex smiled at those words, but he wasn't done yet. "Are you gonna marry her?" he asked curiously, cocking his head to the side.

Heero's heartbeat suddenly sped up. "W-what?"

"Mommy says people get married when they like each other a whole lot," replied Alex, kicking his feet back and forth. "You said you like Aunt Relena, and she likes you back, so are you gonna marry her?"

Heero wasn't one to blush . . . _ever_ . . . but he felt an unmistakable heat wash over his cheeks at those words. He thought of a small box he had been carrying around with him the past few days and put a hand over the object in his pocket as he swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair, gritting his teeth.

"Uh, we'll see."

"Oh. Okay," said Alex, propping his chin up on his hand as he kicked his feet back and forth. He looked thoughtfully at the unusually fidgety Heero. "Hey, Uncle Heero?"

"Yeah?"

"I hope you marry Aunt Relena."

Dark blue eyes widened. "You do?" Heero asked, swallowing hard again. "Why?"

"'Cause I like you. And then you'd be my uncle for real, wouldn't you?"

"Uh, I guess so." Heero let out his breath and turned back to the child. "Hey, Alex, can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Sure!" said Alex, looking eager.

Dark eyebrows furrowed as Heero looked seriously at the boy. "Never tell _anyone_ about this conversation. Understood?"

Alex nodded vigorously. "Yep! 'Specially Daddy, right?"

Heero blinked, then a small smirk curved his lips. "That's right," he said, bringing a bowl of soup to the table and setting it in front of the child. "You're a pretty smart kid."

"Isn't he, though?" asked a voice from the doorway. Alex and Heero turned to look at Relena as she walked into the kitchen. Her damp blond hair hung limply around her shoulders, and she was drying it with a fluffy blue towel she had gotten from the bathroom.

"Hi, Aunt Relena!" squealed Alex, his mouth full of noodles.

Relena moved to Heero's side as he turned to face her. She noticed that his cheeks were tinged faintly pink, but she dismissed it, shaking her head briefly. She must have imagined it. Heero _never_ blushed.

Then again, Heero never smiled. Or laughed. Yet he had done both of those things more than once in the past hour. Would wonders never cease?

Heero held out a spoon and a steaming bowl of soup, a surprisingly soft look on his face. "Here," he said quietly. "You like alphabet soup?"

Relena looked into his eyes for a moment before smiling and taking them from him gratefully. She continued to stare at him for a moment, then she looked down at her soup and her expression grew confused as if some piece of information was just dawning on her.

"Wait," she said, looking around. "Alphabet soup? What happened to the hard-boiled eggs?"

Heero stopped. Alex was watching him, a big grin on his face. The two shared a significant glance, then Heero cleared his throat and turned to Relena.

"We were . . . ah . . . struck by a moment of enlightenment and decided to have soup instead," he replied, deadpan.

Relena raised and eyebrow and crossed her arms as she studied the two. "Really?"

Heero nodded and poured himself some soup as Alex burst into giggles at the kitchen table. Relena blinked at them, then cocked her head to the side. "Are you two keeping a secret from me?"

Alex's giggles grew even louder as Heero shook his head, smiled, then looked over his shoulder at Alex. "Of course not," he said. "Right Alex?"

And he winked at the child.

Alex giggled. "Right!"

Relena had to do a double-take. _Did Heero actually just wink? _she thought incredulously._ Oh, God. First he starts laughing, and now he's winking. If he tells me he's growing his hair in a braid, I'm leaving. _She let out her breath, fluttering her lips.

"Okay," she said out loud, shaking her head. "I don't think I want to know."

"You don't," Heero said.

Alex hopped down from his chair, still giggling, and he ran to Relena's side. "Hey, hey, Aunt Relena?" he said, tugging her skirt. "Aunt Relena?"

She smiled down at him, brushing still-damp hair over her shoulder. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Can we eat our soup in the living room?" Alex asked, his eyes wide. "I promise I won't spill nothin'!"

Relena frowned. "Alex, I don't know if your parents would want me letting you . . ."

"Please, Aunt Relena?" he begged, hopping up and down. "Pretty please?"

But before she could reply, Heero nodded said, "Sure, Alex. Go ahead."

"Yay!" cried the child, running to the table and grabbing his bowl of soup. "Thank you, Uncle Heero!"

Relena turned a disapproving look in Heero's direction as Alex ran from the kitchen into the living room.

"Heero . . ." she started, but he only grabbed his soup bowl and looked back at the frowning blonde.

"Don't look at me like that, Relena," he said. "He promised he wouldn't spill anything."

Relena was still clutching her own bowl of soup, and she shook her head. "Heero, he's four years old," she said bluntly, raising an eyebrow. "He's going to spill something."

Heero shrugged, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Well, we'll just have to be there to clean it up, won't we?"

Then, as Relena gave him a strange look, the soldier grabbed her free hand and began pulling her after him into the living room. The blonde's eyes were wide as he led her into the other room, and then she sighed, shaking her head.

"Sometimes I just don't get you," she muttered.

**

* * *

Well, _now_ we're getting somewhere! Wa-ha-ha, the things I put Heero through. When he was left for a few minutes alone with Alex, I bet he wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition. **

**(The Monty Python men run in, dressed in red)**

"**No one EVER expects the Spanish Inquisition!"**

**Eep! (Run away! Run away!)**

**Do review, pretty please?**


	5. Part V

Alphabet Soup

Chapter Five

Sorry this chapter took longer than usual to get out, guys. College life has been very demanding as of late. Thanks so much for the reviews (I never thought I'd get this many!) and for reading this far! As always, Gundam Wing is not mine, nor are the television shows I mention in this chapter.

* * *

"Isn't this nice?" breathed Noin, looking at the lights of the city reflected in the ocean. Zechs, walking quietly beside her, let out a quiet sigh of appreciation as their bare feet sunk into the sand. 

"Yeah," he replied. "I like walking like this with you."

Noin smiled at the response (at last, a real response!) and linked her arm through his happily. "Yeah?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "Yeah. We should do stuff like this more often."

"Mm." Noin leaned her head against her husband's shoulder contentedly. Finally, for the first time the entire evening, she was enjoying herself.

Not that their date had been bad. On the contrary, the date itself was very nice, but the company was somewhat . . . lacking.

The restaurant had been perfect, and the food was wonderful . . . but Zechs was spaced out the entire meal and barely paid her any attention. Except for the few dozen times he asked her if Heero had killed Alex yet.

The movie was good . . . but they got there ten minutes late because Zechs decided to chase an ambulance all the way to the other side of town beforehand. Oh, and there was that violent gunfight in the movie that got Zechs so riled up that he leaped out of his seat and began screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs, but at least the theater manager had escorted them out of the movie relatively quietly. Noin even got to keep her popcorn.

And now they were walking along the beach, and Zechs was actually responding in sentences that contained more than one word (other than "Has Yuy killed my son?"). Maybe there was hope for him yet.

"What are you so quiet about?" Zechs asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

She lifted her head to look at him. "Just thinking."

"About . . . ?"

"This evening."

He stopped suddenly, his head cocked to the side and his face very alert. Noin took that as a sign to continue.

"It's just that . . . well, you've seemed distracted. I know you're worried about Alex and Relena, but . . ."

That's when she heard it.

A siren.

Growing louder by the second.

It suddenly dawned on Noin that the look of concentration on Zechs' face was because he was listening to the siren, not to her.

She growled low in her throat.

Lights flashing, a bright red fire truck appeared on the road behind them, the siren blaring so loud Noin thought her ears would burst. Wincing at the sound as the truck passed by, she shook her head and turned to her husband.

Who was suddenly gone.

Blinking, she looked around, then scowled darkly as she caught sight of Zechs chasing the fire truck, yelling as loud as he could as he zoomed after it.

"FIRE TRUCK! FIRE TRUCK!" he bellowed, waving his arms like a lunatic. "OI! WHERE YOU GOING?"

Noin watched him with a look so icy that it could have frozen a puddle in July, but Zechs was too . . . _distracted_ to notice.

Big freaking surprise.

Although she wasn't usually one to lose her temper, Noin clenched her fists and let out a noise like an angry cat.

"That's _IT!_" she shouted, stamping one bare foot into the sand. Fists clenched so tightly that her knuckles were white, she spun on heel and began stomping furiously after her husband.

"ZECHS MERQUISE!" she screamed.

Zechs froze, watching in dismay as the fire truck made its escape. However, the sound of his wife's angry shriek had filled him with such a sense of dread that his legs had seized up and refused to move. Slowly, anxiously, he turned to find her standing some ways away, her fisted hands on her hips and her glare so murderous and terrifying that Heero would have cowered at the sight.

"Y-yes?" he asked meekly.

He could see the dangerous blaze in her eyes from where he stood as she pointed to their vehicle, parked up on the bank. "Get your ass in the car now," she growled. "We're leaving."

Zechs wasn't stupid enough to disobey _those_ orders.

ooooo

By the time Relena and Heero reached the living room, Alex was already settled happily on the floor, his bowl sitting precariously in his lap as he stared up at the television in front of him. Relena cast an apprehensive glance at the bowl in her nephew's lap as she and Heero seated themselves on the couch.

"So . . . what is this we're watching?" asked Heero, staring bewilderedly at the flickering television screen.

Relena blinked at him. "It's a cartoon."

"Cartoon . . . ?" Heero said slowly, cocking his head to the side.

"Don't tell me you don't know what a cartoon is," said Relena, eyes widening.

Heero didn't look at her; he continued staring at the TV screen and shook his head slowly.

"You've never watched cartoons, Uncle Heero?" squeaked Alex from the floor, turning to look at the man in complete shock and horror.

Heero shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Alex."

The child's mouth dropped open. How had Heero survived all these years?

"Well, you've got to watch 'em now," said Alex simply, turning to point at the screen. "'Kay?"

Heero looked doubtfully at the television screen, where a scrawny brown animal was chasing some crazy-looking bird around.

". . . Okay," he said reluctantly.

After about five minutes, Relena couldn't help but notice that Heero seemed to be enjoying himself. Oh, he was hiding it well, but she knew him enough to know that Heero was beginning to like cartoons. Especially this one in particular.

"How does this coyote character survive those falls and explosions?" asked Heero, looking impressed. "He blows himself up, then walks away like nothing happened."

"Maybe he was trained in combat at a young age so he could be used as a weapon in war," Relena said brightly. Heero's eyes darted to her, narrowing.

"Ha, ha."

She flashed him toothy smile, and he turned back to the TV, watching it seriously for a few moments.

"Okay, he just pulled an anvil from out of nowhere," Heero said, his brow furrowed in perplexity. "That makes absolutely no sense."

Relena sighed. "Heero, it's just a cartoon," she said patiently. "It's not real."

Heero didn't seem to understand. He turned to her, a look of total confusion on his face. Relena couldn't help but think that the look on his face was adorable.

"But where would he keep an anvil?" he asked, puzzled.

"Uncle Heero, maybe he keeps them in his pockets!" cried Alex from the floor, his mouth full of noodles.

Heero blinked, considering this briefly until he realized that the coyote didn't have pockets. "Uh . . . maybe, Alex."

Relena began to giggle. "Heero, I think you're looking too much into this."

But he wasn't listening.

"Where would he get anvils, anyway?" Heero asked, looking back at the TV. "You don't exactly find them lying around on the ground."

Relena shrugged. "Probably from the same place he gets all the TNT."

He nodded. "Probably. But who would he get those things from?"

"Maybe someone he knows manufactures them or something," she suggested.

"Like who?" Heero said flatly.

"His uncle?" Alex piped up.

Heero blinked. "Um, yeah, maybe, Alex."

Alex turned back to the TV, where the ending credits for the program were now rolling.

"Aunt Relena, can I change the channel now?" he asked, pointing to the TV. "The show's over!"

"Already?" asked Heero.

Relena suppressed a giggle. He actually sounded disappointed. "Sure, Alex," she replied, sending her nephew a wink. "Maybe you can find something that Uncle Heero won't take so seriously, hmm?"

Alex grinned, nodding and grabbing the remote. After flicking through the channels, the child stopped, finding a program he enjoyed, and settled himself back on the ground.

Relena cocked her head to the side. "Such a violent show?" she asked, blinking down at Alex.

"Mommy says it's not real," Alex replied readily, his eyes glued to the screen as he took a bite of his soup.

Relena sighed and looked at Heero out of the corner of an eye. She was surprised to find him watching the television, the corners of his lips twitching as if he were trying very hard not to smile.

"You find this funny, Heero?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mildly," came the amused reply.

Relena couldn't help but look incredulous. "But it's _The Three Stooges_!"

"Hn . . ."

"Look, that one just hit the other in the head with a wrench, then poked his eyes!" exclaimed Relena in horror. "Alex should not be watching such shows."

"I watch 'em all the time," said Alex, sitting up and blinking at his aunt. "Daddy says as long as I know it's pretend it won't hurt me."

Heero smirked at Relena. "Relax," he said. "This is funny."

"I don't see what's so funny about people beating each other up," Relena replied, but Heero wasn't listening.

He was chuckling quietly at the TV, while Alex rolled around in laughter on the floor in front of them.

Relena sank back against the couch and sighed, fluttering her lips. Heero _would_ find a show where the characters inflict bodily harm on one another amusing. He did spend most of his life as a soldier, after all, and he did have that weird fascination with pulling a gun on her. And blowing himself up.

The show was nearly over when Alex leaped up, his bowl clutched in his hands.

"I'm finished with my soup, Aunt Relena!" he cried.

Relena smiled. "Give the bowl here, then," she said, "and we'll put it on the coffee table."

Grinning, Alex raced over to them, but suddenly he tripped over a large chunk of Legos left over from his exploding colony. Alex stumbled forward, his bowl flying out of his hands and landing directly on Heero's shirt.

Alex froze, his eyes wide.

Relena bit her lip and quickly took the bowl from a very surprised Heero, examining the damage done to his shirt. There was not much soup left in Alex's bowl, but there was just enough liquid left in it to leave little orange splatters all across the pale yellow material of Heero's shirt.

Heero peered down at his shirt, looking bemused. "Well," he said simply, at a loss for words.

"Uncle H-Heero . . ."

Heero turned from his soup-spattered shirt to look at Alex. The child's lower lip was quivering, and his big eyes were beginning to fill with tears.

Oh, damn.

Alex sniffled.

"Alex . . ." started Heero, looking nervous.

Then the child burst into tears.

"I'm s-sorry, Uncle Heero!" he bawled. "I spilled soup on your shirt, an' I promised not to spill nothin'! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

With that, Alex ran up to Heero and threw his arms around the man's knees, sobbing into the material of his pants. Heero was frozen, his face pale and terrified.

Small, crying child hugging me . . . small, crying child hugging me . . . small, crying child hugging me . . . what do I do? Oh, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn . . . I was never trained to handle children!

Heero cast a slightly desperate look at Relena, who looking at him and making gestures toward the sobbing child that seemed as if she wanted Heero to comfort Alex.

Heero swallowed hard.

Okay, Relena. If that's what you think I should do . . .

Slowly, Heero knelt down and took the crying boy by the shoulders, staring directly into his round, tear-streaked face. He stood there for a moment before he realized . . .

Damn! I don't know** how **to be comforting!

Inhaling deeply, Heero readied himself.

Think mushy thoughts, think mushy thoughts, think mushy thoughts . . .

"Alex," he said quietly to the crying child, "it's okay."

Alex rubbed at his eyes, hiccuping. "B-but it got all over your shirt!" he cried in dismay. "Now it's dirty, and Mommy says you should always be clean 'cause cleanliness is next to dogliness, an' . . ."

"_Godliness_," corrected Relena, biting her lip to keep from smiling.

"Alex, stop crying," said Heero patiently. "I'm sure the soup will wash out, and even if it doesn't . . ." and he paused to look down at the pale yellow fabric of his shirt, ". . . well, I never really liked this shirt much to begin with."

Relena glared at the back of Heero's head. "_I _bought you that," she said lowly.

Heero's shoulders tensed. "Like I was saying, Alex, it's a lovely shirt that I'm very fond of, but you have nothing to worry about because I'm sure the soup will come out," he said quickly. "So don't worry about it, okay?"

"Really?" asked Alex hopefully, wiping his eyes.

Heero nodded. "Really."

And with that, he scooped Alex into his arms and stood up. Giggling in relief, Alex wrapped his chubby arms around Heero's neck and began to jabber away excitedly.

Relena felt something odd stirring in her stomach as she watched Heero gently carry the child over to the couch sit down with Alex still in his arms, and then the feeling passed, but not without making her heartbeat speed up and her cheeks grow pink. Swallowing past the tightness in her throat, she smiled and sat down beside Heero. Alex wriggled out of Heero's arms and settled himself in the small area between them, letting out a content little yawn.

Relena smiled over at Heero, who had his bowl of soup in his hands and was stirring the contents slowly. She suddenly realized that she had hardly touched her soup as well, and, hungrily, she grabbed her bowl and began to eat.

"Was that okay?" Heero asked quietly, looking over at her.

Relena blinked, her mouth full. "Mmm?"

Heero jerked his head toward Alex, nestled between them. Relena caught on and grinned.

"Yes, Heero," she replied. "You handled that like a pro."

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, but it was gone a second later as he turned back to his soup.

**

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Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm turning poor Heero into a great big softie! ****But it's so fun! And really, who doesn't love a Heero who isn't emotionally shallow? Hee, hee! Review, please?**


	6. Part VI

Alphabet Soup

Chapter 6

_Thank you guys very, very much for reviewing! It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy and loved! Um . . . standard disclaimers apply and everything like that, so enjoy! This chapter's a fuzz shorter than the other ones, but it's very significant to the story and is the whole reason I named this story "Alphabet Soup." Oh, and it's rather mushy. Enjoy!_

* * *

Heero was puzzling Relena. 

He had been behaving strangely the entire evening. Well, actually, he had been acting odd a bit longer than that. Of course, if one wanted to be particular like that, one could say Heero had _never _been normal. But he was acting odd for _him_. Relena shook her head, trying to regain her train of thought, which seemed to have suddenly jumped off its tracks as it always seemed to when she thought about Heero.

For the past few days, Heero had been uncharacteristically smiley and talkative around her ("smiley" as in maybe smiling at her once or twice a day, and "talkative" as in . . . well, saying something more than "Hn" whenever she spoke to him). Even odder still, Relena had noticed a few different times that Heero was acting somewhat . . . jumpy and nervous. Which was absurd. Heero Yuy was _not_ a jumpy fellow. Ever. And he sure as hell never got nervous. So what was going on? Was he doing drugs? Had Duo been spiking his coffee? Relena just didn't know.

Heero was sitting quietly beside her, stirring his soup, and Alex, who was fast asleep between them, was cuddled up at his side. Heero was still stirring his soup. Stirring, stirring, stirring, and he occasionally took a small bite of soup, only to go back to fiddling around with the noodles.

Relena glanced at the clock. He had been doing that for the past five minutes.

Now she didn't know _what_ to think, so Relena contented herself with eating her own soup. It had cooled down significantly since they had been sitting there, and she took a few bites now and then, but she really didn't have much of an appetite. Instead, she stared down at the noodle letters floating around in the orange liquid.

She nearly jumped when she felt Heero nudge her arm with his elbow a few seconds later.

"What?" she whispered, and he shook his head, looking down at the sleeping Alex between them in an indication that she should be quiet.

Relena nodded in understanding, bringing a finger to her lips.

Heero smirked at her, then he seemed to remember why he wanted to get her attention in the first place and jerked his head in the direction of his bowl.

Relena looked in his bowl. There, spelled out in alphabet noodles, was a simple message.

"_HI RELENA"_

Her eyes widened, and she began to smile. That was just so . . . _cute_. And uncharacteristic of Heero, sure. But still cute. She glanced into her own bowl, realized she had enough letters left to give him a message, and sent him a mischievous grin.

A few moments later, she held out her own bowl for him to see.

"_HELLO HEERO"_

Heero didn't smile, but there was an unmistakable gleam of amusement in those dark blue eyes of his. But when Relena flashed him a bright grin, his amusement seemed to fade, and his face was suddenly very serious. Tense, almost.

"What's wrong?" Relena mouthed the words.

Heero stared at her for a long, silent moment, his eyes intense, and then, as if making a very important decision, he took a deep breath and turned back to his soup. Relena blinked, confused, as she silently watched him stir his soup around and rearrange the letters, and she noticed that the fingers holding his spoon were clenched around the handle so tightly that they were pale. She blinked again, and, noticing her gaze, Heero raised his eyes to look at her. A small smile curved his lips, and he turned back to the soup. Relena noticed his fingers had relaxed. Turning away from Heero, she sighed softly, brow furrowed as she tried to work out why he was acting so strangely (indigestion?).

Heero's fingers brushed hesitantly against the skin of her arm seconds later, making her shiver involuntarily. She turned to look at him, eyebrows raised in a silent question, then Heero cleared his throat and looked down at his bowl of soup. Catching on, Relena followed his gaze.

What she saw made her heart leap into her throat.

"_WILL YOU MARRY ME"_

"Heero . . ." she breathed, turning to stare at him.

He brought a finger to his lips, jerking his head in the direction of the sleeping child nestled between them.

Relena could only stare at him. She felt moisture welling up in her eyes, stinging their corners and making her blink repeatedly. Of course, that caused the tears to fall, and she wiped them away embarrassedly.

She hadn't replied, and Heero was beginning to look nervous. He was staring at her intently, his expression tense and somewhat anxious.

Then Relena smiled widely at him. And nodded.

His eyebrows raised, and then Heero Yuy began to smile. It suddenly didn't matter to Relena that smiling was for unusual for him.

"Really?" Heero mouthed the words, not speaking out loud.

Relena nodded again, turning to her soup. She picked out two letters from the noodles left in her bowl and scooped them into her spoon, holding them out so Heero could see.

"_OK"_

Heero couldn't help it. Forgetting about Alex sleeping between them, he grabbed her chin in a hand and pulled her face to his, kissing her.

It wasn't by any stretch their first kiss, but it was the most heartfelt, passionate thing Relena had ever experienced. It was the kind of kiss she wanted to keep hidden away in a jewelry box so she could treasure it forever and show it to her children. Oh, God. Children. She so wanted to have children with this man. Heero Yuy. Her fiancé.

Her _fiancé._

She could practically hear the "Hallelujah Chorus."

Heero and Relena were so involved in their . . . activities that they didn't notice Alex wink an eye open, yawning. He studied them for a moment before choosing to speak.

"I was right," he said sleepily. "Wasn' I, Uncle Heero?"

Heero and Relena froze at the sound of his voice. Then, quickly, they broke away, both rather pink in the face. Alex was watching them, tired-looking, his large violet eyes drooping.

"Are you gonna give her a ring?" he asked sleepily, rubbing at his eyes.

"Er . . . yeah," mumbled Heero, trying to maintain his cool and failing. "S-sorry, I was sidetracked . . ." He hurriedly fished around in his pockets a minute before pulling out a small, black velvet box. Glancing at Relena, who was still red, he opened the box and pulled the ring out.

"Heero," breathed Relena as he grabbed her left hand and slid the diamond ring onto her ring finger. She felt herself tearing up again. "Oh, my goodness . . ."

"Aunt Relena?" said Alex softly, sounding concerned. He blinked at the crying woman for a moment, then turned to Heero. "Uncle Heero, why's she crying?"

Heero opened his mouth to reply, but Relena responded instead, wiping at her eyes with her sleeve. "I'm crying because I'm happy, Alex," she replied with a watery smile. "I'm very, very happy."

"'Cause you're gonna marry Uncle Heero?"

"Yes, Alex."

"An' he'll be my uncle for real?"

"Yes, Alex."

"'Cause you like him a lot like he likes you?"

Relena let out a breathless sort of laugh, reaching out to squeeze Heero's hand. "Yes, Alex, I do."

Heero squeezed her hand in return, a tiny smile on his face.

Alex focused his sleepy gaze on him. "Can I tell Daddy?"

Heero glanced uneasily at Relena. He had forgotten about Zechs. He wondered if he should remove all firearms from the Merquise residence before Noin and Zechs returned. "Er . . . better not tell him just yet, Alex."

"Okay. When you gonna get married?" Alex asked curiously, still yawning and looking like he was about to drift back off to sleep any minute.

Heero shrugged, avoiding Relena's eyes suddenly. "I dunno . . ." he said quietly. "I was thinking maybe . . . in the Spring?"

The smile on Relena's face widened, which she didn't think was possible. "Sounds perfect," she whispered. "Spring."

Almost shyly, Heero raised his eyes to meet hers, and Relena just had to kiss him again.

Alex didn't seem to mind; he merely slumped back on the couch cushions and closed his eyes. "G'night," he yawned, a smile on his face.

They didn't answer.

It wouldn't be until a quite a few minutes later when Alex was asleep and Relena and Heero were thoroughly wrapped up in each other that all hell would break loose.

**

* * *

Bum-bum-BUM!  
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why this fic fits the "romance" genre along with the "humor." I think I need to visit the dentist because I'm sure I have cavities now. Was that too sweet and mushy? I've realized while writing this fic that it is very difficult to keep Heero in character when writing these types of stories. And a proposal written out in noodle alphabets may have been a little over the top . . . but what the hell, it was fun! And I realize that the messages they wrote with their noodles were not grammatically correct, but have _you_ ever seen a noodle comma or a noodle period or a noodle question mark in alphabet soup? I didn't think so. They don't call it "grammar soup," you know. Hee-hee.  
Stay tuned! One chapter and an epilogue to go! . . . I just have to write them first.**


	7. Part VII

Alphabet Soup

Chapter Seven

_Hey, everyone!_ _Thanks a bunch for all the reviews! Gundam Wing is not mine, and it never will be, so I shall just console myself by writing.  
_

* * *

At approximately 10:58 PM, a mere ten minutes after Heero Yuy popped the question to Relena Darlian, two figures entered the Merquise household, the shorter of the two stomping quite angrily and noisily. 

"Oh, my goodness, look at that," commented Noin flatly as she slammed the door closed behind her, just barely missing hitting Zechs. "Looks like the house is still in once piece, Zechs."

Her husband didn't reply, instead he looked at her uneasily, tossing his keys on the kitchen table as they strode inside. Noin was marching irritably ahead of him, her shoulders tense and her pace quick as she sent an annoyed glance over her shoulder. She stopped at the entrance to the living room.

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open for a brief second, but before her husband could notice her surprise, she plastered an angry look on her face and grabbed Zechs by the arm, steering him away from the living room. She couldn't let him see what she had just seen. Knowing Zechs, he would probably spontaneously combust and disintegrate on the spot.

Pushing him against the wall so she was sure he couldn't see into the living room, Noin glared at her husband. "And Zechs, _honey_, you won't BELIEVE this," she growled at him, "but Alex AND Relena are still alive! Both of them! Can you _believe_ that? They're perfectly unharmed!"

Icy blue eyes focused on her. "You're angry," he stated.

His wife glared up at him. "Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah, look at that! You're actually experiencing BRAIN ACTIVITY!"

She knew she didn't have to be quite so loud as she was being, but hopefully her shouting would alert Relena that they were home in enough time for her and Heero to end their current activities before Zechs discovered them.

Zechs, for his part, found himself unable to move as he watched Noin, who never let her temper get the best of her. Tonight was obviously an exception. She looked really beautiful when she was angry, he noted.

Her eyes flashed a warning as she continued, "Since your brain is obviously WORKING now, perhaps you've realized that there _wasn't_ a reason for your incessant worrying after all! All night long, all you did was spaz out and act jumpier than Quatre that time Duo laced his tea with amphetamine! ALL NIGHT LONG, Zechs, and for what? Nothing!" Each word of her rant was punctuated with a sharp jab of her finger to his chest. "I'd feel pretty STUPID if I were you, Zechs, dear."

Zechs groaned and ran a hand through his bangs tiredly. "Oh, Luc," he moaned. "Shut up."

"Shut up?" she repeated heatedly, getting on tiptoe to glare directly at him. "Shut UP? Do not tell ME to shut up! I'm your WIFE!"

"Lucrezia . . ."

"Can you even FATHOM that we've left your dear sister and son together for FIVE HOURS in the company of an INSANE, SUICIDAL EX-GUNDAM PILOT and they're still ALIVE? And the house is still STANDING and the walls aren't covered in BLOOD and the Earth Sphere Unified Nation isn't declaring a state of EMERGENCY and . . ."

"Look, Luc, I'm sorry."

Noin paused, her face still flushed, but her eyes now wide. Thoughts of Relena, Heero, and her anger at her husband suddenly faded. "What was that?"

Zechs let out his breath heavily. "I'm sorry. You deserve to be mad."

Noin had to take a step back to look at her husband clearly. "Really?"

"Yeah. You're right," Zechs said grudgingly. "I shouldn't have acted the way I did tonight. It's our anniversary, after all. I shouldn't have worried."

She was staring up at him, wide-eyed. "Zechs."

"I'm sorry, Luc. Really." He was looking down, shuffling his feet like a guilty schoolboy, then he raised his eyes to look at her. "I'll make it up to you."

The tense muscles in her shoulders and arms relaxed as she cocked her head to the side and regarded her husband. Really, how could she stay mad when he was looking at her like that? "Well . . ." she said innocently, "_technically_ our anniversary's not over yet . . ."

"No, technically, we have an hour before it's officially over," he replied casually, raising an eyebrow at the look on her face. "You have something in mind?"

An unmistakably catty grin curved her lips. "I suppose I _could _let you make it up to me. But I don't know if you're really sorry for the way you acted. I might need a bit of convincing . . ."

He leaned in, brushing his lips against her cheek. "Oh, I think I'm up to it," he said huskily.

"In more than one way," added Noin innocently, suppressing a giggle.

His eyes snapped open at her joke. Why, that little . . . "Not funny."

She twined her arms around his neck leaned in so her face was inches from his. "Oh, well, I thought it was very," and she kissed him once, "_very_," and she kissed him again, "funny."

"A_hem_," a voice from the doorway said.

Noin and Zechs turned to behold the sight of Relena standing beside Heero, who was holding a sleeping Alex in one arm. Noin immediately put a restraining hand on Zechs' arm; Relena was holding one of Heero's hands, and Alex was cuddled up against Heero with his blond head on his shoulder.

It really would have been a cute scene, Noin realized. That is, if Zechs wasn't turning bright red and steam wasn't coming out of his ears.

"What . . ." he started, his voice coming out in an angry hiss and slowly growing to a roar, ". . . do . . . you . . . think . . . you're . . . DOING . . . WITH . . . MY . . . SON!"

Heero blinked at him, then looked at Alex, who was stirring in his grasp. "Well . . ."

"AND LET GO OF MY SISTER'S HAND!"

Heero blinked down at Relena's hand in his. When he looked back up at Zechs, his expression was defiant.

"Your son is trying to sleep," he said bluntly. "He's had a long night, so don't wake him up."

Zech's icy blue eyes were burning in anger. "You're not listening to me, Yuy!" he shouted. "LET GO OF RELENA'S HAND!"

"And you're not listening to me," shot back Heero coolly. "Your son is trying to sleep. Be quiet."

"LIKE HELL I WILL!"

"Zechs!" Noin said reprovingly.

"Mmf . . . Uncle Heero?" a soft voice asked.

Heero looked down at the child he was holding. Alex was blinking up at him sleepily, then he turned and smiled at his parents. "Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy." He stopped, yawning. "What're you yellin' at Uncle Heero for, Daddy?"

But Zechs wasn't listening. A murderous sort of look was in his eyes. "WHAT did you call him?" he demanded of his son.

Alex blinked confusedly as if he had done something wrong and wasn't sure what. "Uncle . . . Heero . . ." he replied cautiously.

Zechs was seething, and nothing Noin nor Relena could do would stop him. "He is NOT your uncle," he growled. "Not now, and he never will be!"

Noin noticed how Relena nonchalantly tugged her left hand from Heero's grip and hid it behind her back. She wasn't sure, but she could have sworn she saw something glittering on one of her sister in-law's fingers. She would be sure to ask about it later.

Alex blinked at his father for a moment, looking thoughtful in his sleepy state, then he glanced up at Heero and smiled. "Can I call you Uncle Heero even if Daddy says not to?" he asked sweetly.

Relena disguised a chuckle as a cough. It was a high-pitched cough, but it worked.

Heero smirked. "Sure."

"YUY!"

Heero shot Zechs a glare. "No need to yell," he muttered. "I can hear you just fine."

"Daddy _really_ doesn't like you, does he, Uncle Heero?" asked Alex sleepily.

"No, Alex, he doesn't."

Zechs snorted. "You got that right."

Noin and Relena exchanged exasperated glances. _Men._

Alex yawned widely, his big, sleepy eyes drooping closed for a moment. Forcing them open, he snuggled closer to Heero. "Uncle Heero," he said quietly, "can you take me to bed?"

The look on Heero's face was surprisingly gentle, Noin noticed, and he seemed about to agree when Zechs stepped forward, murder gleaming in his eyes and electricity seeming to crackle around him.

"You will do no such thing," he said in a very frightening voice.

Heero was hardly one to be intimidated, but his skin was a shade paler as he handed Alex over to Noin.

"Your mom's going to put you to bed, Alex," he said quietly. "Okay?"

"Mm," replied Alex, his head lolling against Noin's shoulder as his eyes slid shut.

Noin adjusted her son on her hip as she looked from the furious Zechs to the cautious Heero to the disapproving Relena. Deciding that leaving Heero and Zechs in each other's presence would not result in the death of either if Relena was still in the room to keep the peace, she nodded to Relena and Heero with a smile and started up the stairs with Alex in her arms.

"G'night Aunt Relena," called Alex softly, his eyes closed. "G'night, Uncle Heero."

"Good night, Alex," said Relena sweetly.

"Night," said Heero shortly, casting a glance at Zechs, who was glaring angrily at him.

Noin smiled again and continued up the stairs to Alex's room.

"Hey, Alex, sweetie," she said quietly.

"Mm?"

Noin bit her lip, curiosity getting the best of her. "Do you know what that was on your Aunt Relena's finger tonight?"

"A ring," yawned Alex.

"Really?" Noin was starting to smile. "Was there anything special about that ring?"

"She's wearing it 'cause she's gonna marry Uncle Heero," murmured Alex sleepily. "Then he'll be my uncle for real an' Daddy won't be able to stop it an' Aunt Relena will be happy 'cause she likes Uncle Heero an' he likes her."

Noin wasn't as surprised at the news of the engagement as she should have been. She was smiling, imagining her husband's reaction to the news.

"Is that so?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Mm-hmm," replied her son. "But I'm not supposed to tell Daddy."

Noin grinned as she opened the door to her son's room and went inside to put him to bed.

Meanwhile, Heero was looking uneasily at Zechs, who was looking more and more like he wanted to kill him. For the first time in his life, Heero decided to follow Relena's example and take the diplomatic, peaceful path.

He turned to his fiancee. "I'll just wait in the car," he said quietly.

Relena beamed at him and nodded, watching with an expression a little _too_ soft for Zechs' taste as Heero nodded at her and headed toward the door. The second he was gone, Zechs turned to glare at Relena, who continued to keep her hands behind her back.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

Relena blinked. "Well, what?"

"Are you okay?" he growled. "Are you in the same condition you were in earlier? Did that bastard hurt you or Alex at all?"

"Heero would never hurt me!" Relena exclaimed. "Or Alex! You should have seen Heero tonight, Milliardo, he was so good with Alex . . ."

Zechs snorted. "I find that hard to believe."

"Of course, you do, because you won't give him a chance!" hissed Relena. "He's changed since the war, Milliardo. Heero's not the same person who defeated you so long ago."

"You have to bring that up," muttered her brother.

"Well, that's what this is about, isn't it?" she asked heatedly. "You're still holding a grudge."

"That's not it at all," said Zechs, shaking his head. "I don't trust him around you."

Relena stopped, eyes wide. "You don't?" she asked softly.

Zechs shook his head again.

"But he loves me, Milliardo."

He stopped, frowning as he tried to ignore the feeling of dread that suddenly seized him. "I seriously doubt Heero Yuy is capable of feeling . . ."

Relena suddenly removed her left hand from behind her back and stuck it in her brother's face so he could clearly see the diamond ring glittering on her finger.

"He loves me," she repeated simply, waggling her ring finger so the diamond caught the light and sparkled.

Zechs stared at the ring with huge, unfocussed eyes. He stammered, open-mouthed for a moment, then he suddenly dropped to the floor in a dead faint.

Relena sighed, shook her head, and moved toward the door Heero had exited moments before. When she got in the car, she found Heero seated at the steering wheel, watching her carefully.

"Well?" he asked quietly.

Relena buckled her seatbelt and turned to him, smiling. "Well, what?"

"Zechs didn't come out to kill me, so I take it he didn't find out."

She giggled. "No, he knows."

He raised an eyebrow. "And he . . . isn't coming out to kill me?"

"Doesn't seem like it, does it?" she asked cheerfully.

Heero looked around cautiously as if Zechs was waiting to jump out and hit him over the head with a shovel. "No . . ."

Relena let out a light, happy laugh. "Well, let's be on our way before he decides to come out and kill you, alright?"

He glanced at her. "Okay."

She sighed happily, leaning over to put her head on his shoulder. "I do believe a celebration is in order," she said softly. "Don't you?"

Heero smirked down at her. "Hn."

**

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Stay tuned for the epilogue, everybody! Hopefully it won't take me as long as this chapter did! College has been so busy I haven't had time to breathe. Seriously.**


	8. Epilogue

Alphabet Soup

Epilogue

_Finals are this week, so of course I'm not studying right now. The Procrastination Queen, that's me! This epilogue is rather on the . . . lengthy side. Just think of it as a parting gift! Standard disclaimers apply. Like I own Gundam Wing. Yeah, right._

* * *

A.C. 209, March 14th, 7:03 P.M. 

The phone rang.

"Duo, honey, can you get that?" Hilde called from the other room.

Duo groaned and rolled over on the couch. "Why can't you do it?"

The phone rang again.

"I'm feeding the baby, you knucklehead!"

The braided man sat up, yawning. "Okay, okay!" he yelled back, standing up and stretching.

_Ring, ring_

"Hold your horses," Duo grumbled, annoyed at being woken up from his nap. Stifling another yawn, he grabbed the phone.

"'Ello?"

"Duo?" a gentle, familiar voice said.

"Hey, Relena!" he said, grinning. "You and Heero having a good time?"

"Oh, yes, we are. I am sorry to bother you like this."

"Nah, no bother. You need somethin'?"

Relena's voice was somewhat embarrassed. "Actually, um . . . do you suppose you could run by the house and check up on Milliardo and Lucrezia? Heero's getting . . . paranoid."

Duo grinned as he heard a mild protest come from Heero over the phone. "Sure, sure. I'm gonna be heading out in a bit anyways, so I can stop by your place, no problem!"

"Thank you, Duo." Relena sounded grateful.

"No problem," replied Duo readily. "I'll give you a call in a bit. And tell Heero to calm down."

He heard her sigh. "I have, but you know how he is . . ."

Duo grit his teeth as he heard Heero protest again. "Boy, do I ever . . ."

Relena laughed. "Okay, then. Call us as soon as you see them, okay?"

"Yep. You two have a good time."

"Thank you. Goodbye, Duo."

"Bye."

He hung up the phone grinning. He was quite curious himself to see how Noin and Zechs were holding up.

"Who was that, honey?" asked Hilde, entering the room with a sleeping baby on her shoulder. Duo's eyes softened at his wife and their daughter.

"Relena. She wants me to go check up on Noin and Zechs 'cause Heero's getting paranoid."

Hilde shrugged. "I'd be paranoid too if I were in his position."

"Yeah, I guess so." Duo grinned at Hilde, pecking her on the lips before moving to the door. "I'll be home in a bit, 'kay?"

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you, too."

The minute Duo was out the door, he was bombarded by a group of children.

"Daddy, Daddy, where you goin'?"

"What you doin,' Daddy?"

"You goin' someplace, Pop?"

"Will you bring us some candy?"

His kids were everywhere, clinging to his shirt and pulling his braid and wrapping their arms around his legs. "Oi, oi, midgets, get off!" Duo cried, laughing.

"Tell us where you're going!"

"Yeah, Daddy!"

Duo grinned. "I'm going to your Uncle Heero's house."

"Uncle Heero?"

"Yay!"

"Take us with you!"

"No way, kids," he replied. "Heero and Relena aren't home."

"Then why you goin' there?"

"Are you gonna toilet paper their house again, Daddy?"

"Can I help?"

Duo laughed. "No, no toilet paper this time."

"Aww . . ."

"Besides, you wouldn't wanna come anyways," Duo said. "Zechs is there."

"Zechs Merquise?"

"The big man?"

"He's scary!"

Nodding, their father agreed. "He sure is."

"Okay, bye, Daddy!"

"Bye, Daddy!"

"Bring us candy!"

And they went back to playing. Duo watched his children for a minute, grinning. They had all inherited Duo's sugar rush potential, that was for sure. And Hilde's enthusiasm. Cute little kids. Watching them made him want to have about ten more! But he didn't think Hilde would go for that. Especially since they already had seven.

Duo grinned and hopped in his car.

A few minutes later, he arrived at Heero and Relena's house. Grinning in anticipation, he jogged up to the door and rang the doorbell about three dozen times more than was necessary.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" a young male voice said from behind the door. "Geez, you don't have to break the doorbell!"

Duo grinned and pressed the doorbell even more repeatedly.

"Calm down, you!" The voice sounded annoyed, but when the eleven year old Alex opened the door and saw Duo, his face lit up.

"Hey, Duo!" he exclaimed, standing aside so the braided man could come in. "Come on in!"

"Hey, Alex. Man, you're gettin' tall," commented Duo, ruffling the blond boy's shaggy hair.

"Yep. Tall as you!" And Alex stood up as tall as he could, staring up at Duo.

Duo chuckled. "Almost kid, almost. Don't try to grow up to fast."

Alex let out a sigh, running a hand through his bangs. "That's what Mom's always saying."

Duo grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. "So, where are your parents? Relena asked me to come over and, y'know, check up on things."

A strangled sort of grin crossed the boy's face. "Er . . . they're right this way."

Duo followed the boy towards Relena's living room, nearly colliding with Noin, who was holding a squalling, wriggling bundle.

"Hey, Duo," she gasped, trying to hold on to the wailing baby in her arms. "Will's being so fussy, and he won't stop crying, no matter what I do." She sighed, shifting the crying infant to her hip. "Relena mentioned that he was teething, but he doesn't seem to want anything I give him."

Duo grinned and reached around his back, grabbing a handgun from the waistband of his pants and handing it over. Noin recoiled at the sight.

"Duo! That's a gun!"

The braided man grinned. "It's not loaded." And before Noin could get a word in edgewise, Duo had held the gun out to the baby.

William Yuy's tear-filled, crystal blue eyes stared at the gun for a moment, then chubby hands shot out, grabbed it from Duo's grasp, and brought it to a small, drooling mouth.

Noin blinked as the baby began to chew contentedly on the handle of the gun, gurgling happily.

"Huh. I never would have thought of that."

Duo shrugged. "He _is_ Heero's kid."

And little Will did look exactly like Heero, all except for his light blue eyes. And the puddle of drool coming from his mouth.

The woman nodded in understanding. "Right." She looked down at the silent baby in her arms, obviously relieved, then she grinned at Duo. "Thanks for the help."

"No problem."

Noin smiled, adjusting Will in her arms and moving toward the stairs. "Well, I'm gonna see if I can't put him down for a nap now."

Duo grinned at Alex, who smirked at him and lead him toward the entrance of the living room.

"I'm warning you now," Alex said, glancing at Duo as they reached the entrance, "this isn't pretty."

"I can handle it," Duo said eagerly.

Alex sighed, shook his head, and stood aside so the braided man could step into the living room.

What Duo saw nearly made him pass out in laughter.

There, sitting at a tiny little tea table with a little girl who looked exactly like Relena, was Zechs. The tall man's long legs were scrunched up so he could fit at the table, and a tiny pink teacup was clutched between his thumb and forefinger. One of Relena's pink, dressy, flower-adorned hats was perched atop his pale hair, and a purple apron with ruffles was tied around his torso. Zechs looked thoroughly miserable. And thoroughly hilarious.

Duo felt as if Christmas had come early that year. Seeing Zechs dressed so ridiculously and engaged in a tea party with his niece was one of the funniest things Duo had ever seen. Luckily, Zechs did not seem to acknowledge Duo's presence nor hear the weird sounds issuing from the braided pilot as he tried desperately not to break down laughing and risk disrupting this absolutely priceless situation. The only thing that could make this better was proof that it was actually taking place.

_Wait a second . . . _Duo suddenly grinned, reached into his pocket for his cell phone, and began snapping pictures of the scene. _Perfect._

Mary, at five years old, was a beautiful little girl who looked every bit like her mother, except for her eyes, which she had obviously inherited from Heero. She chattered away happily, not even noticing that her conversation with her uncle was rather one-sided as she pretended to butter a little plastic scone.

"I must say, the weather has been quite delightful lately, hasn't it, Mrs. Marmalade?" she said conversationally, smiling sweetly at her uncle.

Zechs groaned, looking very much like he wanted to drown himself in his tea. "Sure . . ."

"I love your hat!" Mary cried, clasping her hands together. "It's simply precious."

"Thanks . . ." moaned her uncle.

"Would you like some more tea, Mrs. Marmalade?" the little girl asked sweetly, holding her little teapot out to Zechs.

Zechs stopped. Mary had made the tea herself, and quite frankly, it tasted like something that came out of a sewage system. Swallowing somewhat nervously, Zechs replied, "No, thank you."

Prussian blue eyes narrowed dangerously in a glare that perfectly mirrored what those who knew Heero had dubbed the "Death Glare" (TM). The terrifying scowl on the youngster's face was enough to make him reconsider his reply.

"I mean, yes, please," he mumbled angrily, holding out his teacup. "More tea."

She continued glaring.

Zechs plastered a very scary, forced smile on his face. "I mean, I would _love_ some more tea, Lady Sassafras."

She continued glaring, but her gaze was now focused pointedly on the hand clutching his teacup.

Looking throughly humiliated, Zechs sighed and held his pinky out daintily.

The change that took place was immediate; Mary was suddenly smiley and bubbly and cheerful again as she refilled his cup.

Duo couldn't take it anymore. He was certain he would die if he held in his laughter any longer, so he burst out laughing, doubling over as tears streamed from his eyes.

Mary brightened at the sight of him. "Hello, Uncle Duo!" she exclaimed. "Would you like to join our tea party?"

Zechs was frozen, looking at the hysterical Duo in terror.

Managing to recover from his giggle fit, Duo wiped the tears from his eyes. "No, thank you, Mary. I can't stay for long."

The little girl sighed mournfully. "How unfortunate."

Duo grinned wickedly at Zechs. "Sure is." Mischievously, he strolled over to the tea table, noticing that Zechs was looking more and more like he wanted to disappear.

"So . . . _Mrs. Marmalade_," said Duo with a wide grin. "I've never seen you look so . . . oh, what's the word . . . so _dainty_."

Zechs glared at him. "Shut it, Maxwell."

"No, no, no!" scolded Mary. "Mrs. Marmalade, you must be _polite_ to our guest."

Zechs looked at Duo with a look that was anything but polite and said, through grit teeth, "Thank you for the compliment, Mr. Maxwell."

Duo's already huge grin somehow managed to widen. Holding back a chuckle, he patted the top of Zech's pink hat. "And I must say, Mrs. Marmalade, that color is _stunning_ on you."

If looks could kill . . . well, Duo would have been dead years ago. "Thank you," growled Zechs.

"Mrs. Marmalade," said Mary reprovingly, "aren't you going to offer our guest some tea?"

Zechs sent a glare in Duo's direction, grabbed the teapot, and held it out. "Tea?"

"Mrs. Marmalade . . ." Mary said disapprovingly.

"I mean," said Zechs lowly, holding his pinky out, "would you like some tea, Mr. Maxwell?"

"No, thanks," laughed Duo, delighted.

"Then would you like a scone?" offered Zechs grudgingly.

"Nah," said Duo. "I'd better be going. I just dropped by to, y'know, check up on things." And he cast Zechs an absolutely wicked look.

Zechs paled, and Mary said sweetly, "Thank you for coming by!"

Duo gave her a little bow, grinning. "Lady Sassafras, it was my pleasure."

Then, with a salute, he turned to exit the room.

"Maxwell!" cried Zechs.

Duo turned around to look at him, eyebrows raised.

Zechs looked like he was struggling with himself, then, quietly, he said, "Don't tell Yuy about this."

Duo's smile was kind, but an unmistakable glint of mischief was in his eyes. "I won't tell him."

And with that, Duo left the Yuy residence, grinning widely and leaving Zechs with an impending feeling of doom.

ooooo

Relena and Heero's quiet dinner was interrupted by a ringing sound coming from Relena's purse. Grabbing it from her chair, Relena fished through the purse's contents before pulling out her cell phone and flipping it open.

"Hello?"

Heero watched his wife as she turned a smirk in his direction.

"Oh, hello, Duo. Was everything okay?"

Heero couldn't help but lean forward slightly anxiously, awaiting news of the well-being of his children.

A disbelieving look crossed Relena's face.

"No . . . way . . ." she breathed.

Alarm spread through Heero. Oh, God. What had Zechs done?

To his relief and surprise, the next sound from Relena was that of uncontrollable laughter.

"She didn't!" she gasped, giggling. "Oh, poor Milliardo."

Heero relaxed, sitting back and smiling and feeling quite certain that he would greatly enjoy this news. He waited patiently as Relena overcame her giggles, listened to the rest of Duo's report, thanked him, bade him farewell, and shut her phone, tucking it away into her purse again.

"So . . . ?" asked Heero, eyebrow raised.

Laughing quietly, Relena grinned and told Heero what Duo had just reported, pausing occasionally when giggles overcame her. By the time she was finished retelling the story, Heero was hunched over in his seat, his shoulders shaking in laughter.

"Oh, man," he chuckled, finally managing to sit up. "That's perfect."

Relena was also giggling, her face flushed in amusement. "I almost feel sorry for my brother."

Heero snorted. "I don't."

"Honey . . ."

"Remind me to buy Mary something while we're out. I want her to know I'm proud of her."

"Heero!" She tried to reprimand him, but she only ended up giggling.

He smirked at his wife. "I only wish I could have seen it for myself. Zechs as a cross-dressing, tea-sucking prissy boy."

Relena got a small, mysterious smile on her face as she reached for her phone again. "The funny thing about that is . . ." she began, flipping her phone open and holding it out for Heero to see, "Duo took pictures."

Heero stared at her, hardly daring to believe it. It was too good to be true.

But no, he realized as he took the phone from her and began looking at the pictures on the screen, it _was _true.

"Your brother has some fashion taste," he commented in amusement.

Relena raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you'll ever let him live this down."

An incredulous look crossed his face as he glanced at her. "Why would I do that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Never mind, Heero." He went back to looking at the pictures, smiling, and Relena couldn't help but chuckle as she took a sip of her drink. "You do realize you'll have to treat Duo civilly for the next day or so for this."

"I'll survive," Heero replied, shrugging. It was a small price to pay for the treat of seeing his arch-nemesis engaged in a tea party with his daughter. And dressed in Relena's clothes.

"As much as I love my brother, I must say that he had this coming," commented Relena as Heero finally handed the phone back to her a few minutes later.

"I agree," her husband replied. "Want to go out again tomorrow night?"

Relena giggled. "You're too much."

He smirked at her.

Revenge was very, _very_ sweet.

Owari!-

**

* * *

Woo-hoo! (_dances around like the Joe Boxer man_) All right! It's all finished, so what did ya'll think? The idea for this story came to me in the middle of babysitting my own nephew one day (but he's only two, and I didn't have a hot boyfriend with me like Relena did), but back then it was only gonna be, like, one chapter. Things sure change, eh? To every single person who read my story and reviewed, thanks so much! It really made writing this story that much more fun, and I really, truly appreciate it! I have a few more Gundam Wing stories planned for the future, including another funny one called "Battle of the Sexes," but I have no idea when it will be written. Hopefully soon, so keep an eye out! **

**Alrighty, then, I'm outta here! Peace out!**

Sillabub, 05/03/05


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